by Jay Mattson
My wife and I are huge fans of the BBC revival of Doctor Who. Over the summer, we devoured almost every episode. But like all good things, it came to an end and we eventually caught up to the current series six episode. After hearing the news that Doctor Who‘s seventh series wouldn’t premier until fall of 2012, I began to have preemptive withdrawal. I wanted more.
Torchwood, I thought, would be a fantastic substitute: It was created by Russell T. Davies, the Doctor Who showrunner from 2005 through 2009, it starred John Barrowman as Captain Jack Harkness, and it was about an organization that fought aliens while keeping their technology to better protect and advance the British empire. The idea of Torchwood came about from Doctor Who‘s second season in which the Torchwood institute was involved in a series-long arc that culminated with “Army of Ghosts” and “Doomsday”, the two-part finale that finally fleshed out a modern-day alien hunting organization in the heart of London. Those two episodes were some of the most awesome of the new Who: Daleks vs. Cybermen, parallel universes, Rose Tyler’s final appearance. Needless to say, I was excited to see Torchwood.
Then I watched it. The epitome of wasted potential, Torchwood trades the central London location from Who and instead follows Captain Jack to Torchwood branch three in Cardiff, Whales. Instead of a skyscraper filled with alien technology and hundreds of employees, audiences got a five-person team living underground who apparently all want to bone each other all the time. The first episode is super basic so as to introduce viewers to the type of show it would be. The second episode is about an alien who fucks people to death. I kid you not. I reread the episode description thinking I had misread the plot.
I kept watching. It was just one episode, I thought. They can’t all be like that. The third episode is about one of the team members keeping his half-cyborg girlfriend alive in the basement of the base in secret. I fell asleep after the first 30 minutes. And, unfortunately, did the same with the next three episodes. After taking some time to wonder if I was simply sleepy, I jumped online to find a list of the better episodes of Torchwood, hoping that the series simply had a rocky start and eventually found it’s way. Alas, most of what I read steered me away from anything in the first two seasons. I found “Captain Jack Harkness” to be a compelling episode, but only because it was about homosexuality in World War II.
So why, I asked myself, is Torchwood so boring? Did I miss something in the pilot that made the show seem more coherent? Was I being prudish about the outlandish use of sexuality? When I originally went in search of good episodes, the consensus was that the series really hit the mark with it’s third series, a 5-episode serial collectively titled Torchwood: Children of the Earth. Much like American mini-series (and old-school Doctor Who), this storyline would span all five episodes instead of taking the more episodic route from the first two series. I got excited all over again, hoping that the absence of the more boring characters coupled with stronger writing and a more comprehensive story would grab me like I thought the series would from the start.
Again disappointment. Children of the Earth is probably much better than I am giving it credit for, but the nature of it’s placement in the Torchwood chronology makes it extremely difficult to jump in without knowing what happened before it. Which would mean going back and watching the first two series, which wasn’t in the cards anymore. Again I asked myself if the problem wasn’t with the show, but rather my apparent lack of ability to concentrate or pay attention to the story at all. I realized there were three main reasons for my aversion to Torchwood. The first was it’s immature and nonsensical use of sexuality under the guise of being more ‘adult.’ The second is that Torchwood is not Doctor Who, nor is it even similar beyond the aliens and Barrowman. The third was that as a series, it had failed to live up to the potential of it’s premise. Two reason are the show’s fault, one is my own.
As I mentioned above, I wanted to like Torchwood because I love Doctor Who and they share connections, both in mythology and production. I approached Russell T. Davies’ pet project as a surrogate for Who in a way it could never be. While the Doctor and his companion travel through time and space, meeting new people all the time, Torchwood follows the same group of characters in the same location with the same goal every week. It’s a definitively different show than Doctor Who and I failed to recognize that before the show had already left a bad taste in my mouth. But still, I found myself totally intrigued by the premise, constantly thinking of ways the show could be better, more character-driven while still keeping complex story lines, which led me to my second realization.
Simply put, Torchwood falls short in every aspect. Torchwood, as an idea, had such a strong beginning on Doctor Who that it feels totally fizzled out by the end of the first episode of it’s own series, while Captain Jack has been neutered, trading his witty charm and action-hero bravado for an unbecoming nasty attitude and a penchant for power trips. The aliens are often contrived and feel like D-list ideas left over from Doctor Who writing sessions. The supporting cast doesn’t have any chemistry at all, which is ironic seeing as they’ve all got the hots for each other. Which leads me to the constant, annoyingly graphic sexuality! I’ll never be one to support censorship, or be opposed to sexuality being expressed in media. But Torchwood doesn’t employ sex in an artistic, or even subtle, way. The show slaps viewers in the face with sex scenes where the participating parties grunt and moan like barn animals and don’t look too dissimilar. And while the British press raved about the show’s controversial inclusion of an openly bisexual character (Captain Jack), he was a chronic sex addict who wanted to sleep with everyone! I wouldn’t necessarily call that good PR for the GLBT community. In nearly every instance where intimacy, romance or closeness is conveyed, it is marred by heavy innuendo, sex or wooden acting.
Torchwood isn’t all bad. I’ll still recommend “Captain Jack Harkness”, but couldn’t give high marks to much else. And while the original foundation of my feelings toward the show may have been predisposed on my love for another, it’s own banality truly set into stone my opinion. Torchwood is boring because it’s not Doctor Who, and it just doesn’t do anything as well as it should.
